


Soriku Crack Drabbles Compilation

by SmartZelda



Series: Soriku Oneshots [11]
Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Bi disaster Sora, Dream Eater Riku (Kingdom Hearts), Fluff and Crack, Gay Disaster Riku, M/M, Mentioned Namixi, Mentioned Rokushi, Mentioned lea/isa, One-sided SoKai, Riku In Love (Kingdom Hearts), Some Sora is a comp het, Some ooc characters, Sora Is a Ray of Sunshine (Kingdom Hearts), Sora is a Disney Princess, Sora is oblivious, Soriku - Freeform, mentioned Saix/Axel, mentioned Sokai, some established Soriku
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-11
Updated: 2019-10-28
Packaged: 2020-12-09 10:54:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20993627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SmartZelda/pseuds/SmartZelda
Summary: A bunch of Soriku crack drabbles based off of a bunch of Kingdom Hearts crack conversations I have with one of my friends.





	1. Part 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a collection of some random situations and stuff. Because it's crack, some characters may be ooc and stuff will be exaggerated. Don't take it seriously, these are mostly to make jokes.  
Warning: There are some kh3 references so....  
I am also only half responsible for the dialogue and such.

Kairi sits down on Riku's bed. "I think you're obsessed."

Riku shuts the door to his room. "What are you talking about, Kai?"

Kairi sighs. "I mean with Sora."

"I don't know what-"

"Oh, really?" Kairi interrupts. She scoots off the bed and walks over to Riku's closet.

"Don't-"

Kairi opens the closet and is immediately bombarded by and buried in a pile of plushy figures. Just, done, Kairi emerges from the pile and sighs again, having realized what the plushy figures are, "You have too many plushies of Sora."

Riku crosses his arms and turns his head away from Kairi. "LIES!" he hisses.

Kairi raises an eyebrow, then picks up the plushies, one at a time, to throw at Riku. "Well, let's see then...we have...four-year-old Sora...fourteen-year-old Sora...fifteen-year-old Sora...Halloween town Sora...merman Sora...dream world Sora...Grid Sora...Sora in his new clothes he got right before the keyblade war...Pirate Sora... Geez, Riku, this isn't even all of them! How did you even get these?"

Riku let every one of the plushies hit him as Kairi threw them. "One can never have enough Soras."

Kairi places a hand over her face and sighs, "Dear God..."

••••••

"Riku! Riku!" Sora bounces into Riku's room in the mysterious tower.

Riku can't help but smile at his boyfriend as soon as he sees him. "What is it, Sora?"

"Riku! I think there's a new me clone!"

Riku gasps, "Whaaaaaat?! How have I not adopted them yet?!"

"I don't know!" Sora yells enthusiastically, even more excited now. "LET'S GO SEE!" Sora sprints out of the room, his arms spread out as if they were wings, and Riku follows.

They stop in Ventus's room where a male dressed in all black sulks in the corner.

The male turns to Sora and Riku. "Whaddya want?" he asks, frustrated and angry.

Sora's eyes light up. "See, Riku?! He looks almost exactly like me! He's got the hair except his is black and he's got the face except his eyes are yellow!"

"We are adopting him. Right now."

The edgy male grits his teeth. "Ya sure about that, buddy? I'll gut ya if you touch me."

Riku puts a hand on his chin in thought for a second before finally giving a snap. "I got it." He turns to Sora. "Hey, sweetheart?"

"Yeah?" Sora asks, growing more adorable by the second.

"Be yourself. It wins everyone over."

Sora nods. "Got it, Riku!"

"I don't care what you guys say! I will not do the right thing! I. AM. DARKNESS. And I will always- SORA, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!"

Sora wrapped himself around the boy in the middle of his speech to hug him tightly.

"WHY ARE YOU ATTACHED TO MY WAIST?! STOP TOUCHING MEEEEEE!"

Sora pats the top of the edgy boy's head while still embracing him. "No. Shush. Hugs. You can be a good person."

Riku smiles at both the scene and Sora's insane amount of adorableness. "You go, Sora."

"Oh no."

Riku turns behind him to see where the voice came from and is met with Ventus, who walks up beside him and stares at the edgy boy and Sora.

Ventus has a traumatized look on his face as he mutters, "He...is...hugging Vanitas..." Then, he turns to Riku. "RIKU STOP YOUR IDIOTIC BOYFRIEND! HE'S GONNA GET KILLED!"

Riku smirks as he points at Sora and Vanitas, who are now sitting on the floor, Sora still embracing Vanitas while Vanitas is now in a calm state with only a small frown.

"You can't make me submit."

"Oh shush. I already have."

Riku turns back to Ventus. "Told you so. My boyfriend magically makes everyone soft."

○○○○○○

"Sora. Riku's fine."

"I...know, Kairi..." Sora cries. "But...I just miss him...so much..."

Kairi hugs Sora. "I know, but it'll be okay. Find something to cheer you up."

"O-okay..."

"What usually cheers you up?"

"Hugs...from Riku..."

Kairi sighs, a little frustrated, "Okay...what else?"

"W...well...giving hugs to people makes me feel good..."

Kairi smiles. "Well...okay, then. Try that."

Sora wipes the tears from his eyes and a small smile forms on his face. "Thanks, Kairi."

"No problem, Sora."

Everything started out normal. Sora went and group hugged Roxas and Xion, hugged Lea from behind, pounced on Ventus and Vanitas to give them hugs, and so on for everyone else left. However, this was until Kairi caught Sora in Riku's room.

"Sora? What the heck? Why are you hugging that?"

Sora, lying on the ground, looks up at Kairi. "What's wrong with the roomba?"

"Why are you hugging it?! It's a roomba!"

Sora immediately retaliates, "You hugged a heartless, right? So why can't I hug a roomba?"

Kairi gets little flustered, "Touche." She laughs as Sora goes back to hugging the roomba. "Sora, you really do hug everything that moves don't you?"

Sora laughs, "Yeah, so what?"

"Well..." she smirks. There's someone waiting out there that moves. I bet he wants a hug.

It takes a second, but Sora catches on and his eyes light up as he bounces up and sprints out of the room. "RIIIIIIIKUUUUUUU!"

●●●●●●

It seems that it's only just now that the other wielders are realizing how gay Riku is. It took them watching him around Sora to notice. But Mickey? Mickey's known from the start, and he's just been dying inside as Riku just gets more and more gay, especially right now as Riku gushes to him about Sora.

"-and have you seen those eyes? He's perfect! I would literally give my life for him and I just wanna hug and kiss him when he's sad-"

"Riku, that's gay," Mickey states.

"I am gay."

_At least he's finally _ _admitting_ _ it._

"Yes, we know. Just don't say 'yas queen'. Please."

Riku laughs, then smirks before he begins, in the stereotypical gay voice, "Yas queen~"

Mickey just places a gloved hand over his face, "Oh gosh..."

□□□□□□

Riku pants, sweat running down his neck. His heart is beating faster now, having barely blocked Dark Aqua's attack. "I already have gay issues!" Riku yells at Dark Aqua frustratingly, "I don't need issues with saving you!"

Dark Aqua scowls as she retaliates, "WELL MY GAY ISSUES ARE WORSE!"

Riku swiftly makes his move, Dark Aqua being the one who barely blocks this time. "Sweetie, I'm in love with an idiot ray of sunshine. It can't get worse than that."

"I...well...I...you right. Go off. You right."

■■■■■■

Riku puts a hand over his heart as he feels it squeezing tighter and tighter. He's watched all day as Sora's been subjected to hurt upon hurt to help other people. Somehow, Sora hasn't cried yet, but just watching this is putting Riku over the edge.

_I am an inch away from killing myself for Sora..._

Until now. Sora collapses to the ground before Riku, sobbing his eyes out. "Riku...what do I do..."

Riku's heart squeezes tighter and tighter.

"I...know that taking on...people's hurt is my job...that I have...to help everyone...I'm...I'm willing, but..." Sora cries louder and harder, even more tears flowing, "IT HURTS SO MUCH!"

And Riku hits his limit. "Well, it was nice knowing you life, but I gotta die now."

♤♤♤♤♤♤

Sora and Kairi get back to the mysterious tower, sea-salt icecreams in hand. They went out to get some for everyone, but Sora insisted he needed to eat his now, right at this moment, and Kairi let him. They walk through the hallways of the tower to find everyone.

"Mmmm! This ice cream is so good!"

Kairi smiles at Sora, "I bet."

"I wonder if- Oh." Sora's face grows red as Riku walks past them and he drops his icecream on the floor. _Wow, hottie with no sleeves... _"Kairi...who was that?" he asks, in awe.

Kairi just sighs, "That was Riku."

_Wait, that was Riku?! ...I mean...scratch that best friend with no sleeves... _Sora blurts, "RIKU WEARING SLEEVELESS SHIRTS IS A CRIME!"

Kairi sighs again and shakes her head. _He's such a disaster. I can't even have one successful date with him while Riku exists._

Riku stops walking upon hearing Sora and turns back around, walking back to Sora and Kairi. He looks down at his shirt in confusion and pulls at the bottom hem of his shirt. "It is?" He takes off his shirt and shakes his head to get his hair to shift back into its normal style. "Guess I can't wear this then." He shrugs, holding his shirt in his left hand.

To Sora, though, the moment lasts an eternity, like one of those slow-motion scenes in movies where a girl runs across the beach in a bikini, hair flowing. Once the moment ends though, his face continues to redden, and he just mutters, "Crime..."

However, Riku hears it and smirks, running a hand through his hair, as he comments accordingly, "Sora, your existence is a crime."

"Whaaa? How?!"

"I just don't know how you exist being that adorable."

And that just kills Sora even more. He instantly retaliates, "ISN'T IT A CRIME TO BE THIS FLIRTY?"

Riku laughs and holds up his shirt. "You're the one who made me take off my shirt." He winks at Sora.

Sora opens his mouth to say something, but pauses, shutting it in defeat and embarrassment.

Kairi sighs loud enough for the entire castle to hear as she shakes her head once more. "You are a disaster, Sora. And, Riku, put your shirt back on."

"But Sora said it's a crime to have that shirt. I might as well just keep it off."

Somehow, Sora manages to speak after looking at Riku's muscular arms and chest, "I TAKE IT BACK! PUT IT BACK ON!"

Riku shrugs and puts his shirt back on, and Sora sighs in relief.

_Thank God...I was dying..._

Kairi turns to Sora and suggests, "Hey, Sora, how about you go and give everyone else their icecream. I'll give Riku his."

Sora suddenly perks up as if he's forgotten what happened only a moment ago and runs off to give everyone else icecream. "Okaaaaaay!" he calls back.

Kairi pulls out an icecream when Sora's out of earshot. "You are not winning this war over his heart."

Riku laughs and snatches the icecream as he walks past Kairi. He looks back only to say, "I think I already have."

Then, Kairi hears Sora talking to himself through the hallways as he goes to give everyone else icecream.

"That's not fair...I can't believe Riku did that to me..."

Kairi facepalms. "He's in so much denial. He's making it too easy for me to convince him that I'm the only one he has feelings for."

Ventus appears behind her. "See, Terra? At least your adopted son Riku accepts that he's gay."

Kairi sighs, "He says stuff like that and he's still in denial."

"Wow, he really is a bi disaster," Terra comments.

"I can't believe I was a part of that most of his life."

Terra shrugs. "It was your choice, Ven."

"You think I had a choice in whose heart I fled to?"

"Well, you did ask to stay in his heart didn't you?"

"Do you think I knew who I was talking to?!"

Terra laughs, "Fair enough."

♡♡♡♡♡♡

Kairi walks into the mysterious tower and up the stairs to the room where Yen Sid assigns everyone's missions.

Everyone happens to be sitting at a table in the room, having a tea party to keep Sora occupied and not worrying for his two best friends.

"Hey, guys! I'm finally back! After a whole year! Can you guys believe it?!"

Pretty much everyone asks Kairi how her Keyblade training with the master she went to was and comments on how she even looks stronger, and Kairi appreciates it, but she's really waiting for Sora's reaction.

And once he finally does, he just says, "Hey, Kairi! Where you been?" from his place at the table. No hugs. No tears.

And then, Riku walks in.

"Hey, guys..." He runs his fingers through his hair and gives an embarrased smile. "I'm finally here. Sorry...I didn't think my mission would take over a day, but here we are."

Kairi watches as Sora's face immediately lights up. Sora bounces up from the table, smiles big, and immediately runs to Riku.

"RIIIIIKUUUU!" Sora cries as hug tackles him. "I missed you so much!"

Riku is initially shocked by the sudden hug, but he relaxes, hugging Sora back.

Soon, Sora pulls away, his tears turned back to a big smile, takes Riku's hand, and drags him out of the room. "RIKU LET'S GO! I HAVE TO SHOW YOU SOMETHING!"

And Riku lets Sora take him out, laughing out the door.

Kairi sighs. "Did I just get snubbed for Riku?"

Roxas appears beside her. "Yep. Just know your placement on the food chain."

◇◇◇◇◇◇

Kairi walks into Riku's room to tell him that it's his turn to make dinner for the tower, but sighs and shakes her head once she sees Riku sitting in a recliner, Sora in lion form sleeping on his lap. "Riku. Are you gonna let that oversized kitten rule your life?"

"Are you going to make a two-hundred pound lion cub move off your lap? Thought so. Now if you don't mind, I'm gonna take a nap."

"He's gonna kill you one of these days. He can't just sit on you all the time while Donald figures out how to change him back."

"I'd rather him be the death of me than that stupid piece of Ansem the Seeker of Darkness in my heart."

Kairi sighs as she walks out of the room.

_I guess I'm making dinner again._

♧♧♧♧♧♧

Interviewer: "We've gotten a lot of comments using comparisons to claim that Sora is a Disney princess. What makes one of you qualified to be his prince or princess?"

"I will always save the sweet marshmallow," Kairi states confidently, smiling.

Riku laughs, "So will I." Then, he smirks, "But would you die for the marshmallow?"

"Well..um...uh..."

"I thought so. Move out of the way. It's my job to be his prince."

"LIES," Kairi seethes.

"No. Just facts."

☆☆☆☆☆☆

Riku and Kairi are in the room where Yen Sid sends everyone on their missions, staring at Sora in Anti form, hanging from a shelf by his feet.

Kairi looks horrified, but Riku just sips his morning coffee.

"He's just a human cat. Let's let him hang there."

"But he's hanging by his foot?!"

Riku sighs, "So? Let's just let him hang like the cat he is. It's adorable."

"Riku, come on! Aren't you concerned that he's using the darkness?"

"Well who are you to question the beautiful human cat named after the sky?"

"Riku, this is serious!"

"He's fine, Kairi. He's just used too much. He's like a feral cat. Let him run around for the next two minutes. If he starts attacking things, hit him with light." Riku sips his coffee again and goes back to staring at Sora. He smiles, thinking about Sora as a cute little kitty.

Yen Sid speaks up from his seat, "Riku is right. Let the boy freak out for the next two minutes. If he starts attacking things, just hit him with a broom."

▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎

Kairi walks into Riku's room, a disturbed look appearing on her face as she realizes that Sora and Riku are sharing the bed.

Sora is sprawled out on top of Riku, knocked out, while Riku is under the covers in a light sleep, both fully clothed.

"WH-WHA- When did I LOSE?!"

Riku lazily opens an eye. "Kairi. What on earth are you talking about?"

She starts shaking in panic, "You two didn't did you-"

"Woah woah. Slow your horses. Sora and me are still fully clothed. Also, no. He came into the room while I was asleep and flopped on me. Now, I'm getting some rest. Leave. I need my beauty sleep." Riku closes his eye and falls back asleep.

Kairi huffs as Mickey appears beside her on the right and takes a picture.

_My shiiiiiip yessss! _"Finally! I won't have to fear a seventeen-year-old."

Kairi turns to Mickey, and whispers threateningly, "TIME TO FEAR A SIXTEEN-YEAR-OLD. DON'T LET THEM HOOK UP OR I SWEAR."

Mickey smiles nervously, "No offense, but Riku is definitely scarier than you, Kairi."

Kairi hears a squeal from her left, and turns to find Lea taking pictures. "Seriously, Lea? You too?"

"Yes," Lea smirks. "It's my ship and I need pictures to tease them with."

Kairi and Mickey go back to staring at Sora and Riku again, and Mickey smile grows.

"It's finally happening!"

"Oh crap...it's happening..." Kairi tries her best to erase the pictures from her mind.

¤¤¤¤¤¤

"Riku..." An apparition of Ansem comes from Riku's heart and floats before him. "Come to the darkness. Use it."

Riku crosses his arms, "No."

"It hide your gay. Look at Replica. He's doing such a good job."

"LIES. IT ONLY MADE ME GAYER."

"But, Riku, Sora didn't figure you out."

"Come on, that's not fair. He's pretty oblivious to begin with."

"Yes, but he still didn't notice."

"Kairi did," Riku states, frowning.

"Wh-what?! She was in a coma!"

"She always knew I was gay."

Ansem begins to get nervous. "Well, nobody else-"

"Namine."

"What?"

"Come on. You think she couldn't tell?"

"WELL-"

Mickey appears in the room and points at Ansem. "DO YOU TAKE ME FOR A FOOL?! DO YOU KNOW HOW OFTEN THAT BOY TALKS ABOUT SORA?"

"Well-"

"Xexion," Riku states.

"Well, um-"

"Pretty much everyone knows EXCEPT Sora."

This time, Marluxia appears in the room. "Wait you gay?"

Ansem points at Marluxia. "See! HE DIDN'T KNOW!"

Riku explains, "Okay, but he didn't meet ME. He only met the replica who he pretty much only knew wanted to protect Namine."

Lea appears in the room, smirking. "Wait...Does that mean Sora's gay? Or bi? Or-"

Marluxia nods. "I don't know what you guys saw or heard, but I bet Sora's something like that."

Riku's face twists in confusion. "Nah, come on. He's only into Kairi."

Lea enthusiastically points upwards, his arm shooting up. "SOMEBODY PLAY THE MEMORY REEL!"

Namine appears. "Uh...Riku...He almost smited me over hurting replica you."

Then, Roxas appears. "I don't know...I think...last time I saw some of Sora's memories...I'm pretty sure he's into Kairi.

Lea points at Roxas. "PLAY IT FOR HIM TOO!"

"IS ANYONE GOING TO ACKNOWLEDGE THAT I ALMOST WAS SMITED BY SORA BECAUSE I HURT THE FREAKING REPLICA?!"

Marluxia shrugs. "He didn't say Kairi when I asked who he misses."

Riku denies it again, "Nah...He likes Kairi."

Xigbar appears in the room. "Oh no. He's bi."

Riku addresses Xigbar, "Didn't the organization bait Sora with Kairi?"

"Well, yeah, kiddo, sure, but I've been watching him for a while. He's definitely bi."

"And how can I trust you?!"

"You can't, but I stick by what I said."

Young Master Xehanort appears beside Xigbar. "Yeah, I tell you. Both of us have seen Sora's dreams."

Riku looks appalled. "HOW DARE YOU INVADE MY BABY'S DREAMS?!"

Ansem raises an eyebrow. "Didn't you? Twice?"

"HEY, I'M ALLOWED. I'M HIS DREAM EATER."

Ventus appears. "Just saying, he seemed pretty happy to see you after you woke up. How long had it been? A day?"

A light blush runs along Riku's face. "I don't recall..."

Mickey turns to Riku. "Riku. There are data counterparts of you and Sora dating! THEY DID IT OF THEIR OWN ACCORD TOO!"

Chirithy appears atop Ven's head. "You should have seen Sora's face when you sacrificed yourself."

This time, Kairi appears. "Riku, you know how hard it is now to convince Sora he only has feelings for me? I pulled out paopus and he asked about you first! He hesitated! HESITATED!"

Musketeer Mickey appears. "You should have seen how he reacted when your actions in the other world stopped Pete."

Sorcerer Mickey appears beside Musketeer Mickey. "You should have heard what he said about you when your sound ideas mixed."

Roxas shouts, "IS ANYONE GONNA ADDRESS THAT HE LEGIT ASKED EVERYONE WHERE RIKU WAS EVERYTIME HE LOST YOU?!"

Ventus argues, "I've been in Sora's heart almost his entire life. I think I know what I'm talking about when I say he has feelings for you."

Young Xehanort speaks up, slightly annoyed, "Of course I know too. I manipulated his heart. We only used Kairi because she was easier to deal with compared to you."

Riku smirks, "I'd gladly die for Sora. I'm just hard to smite."

Saix appears. "I thought we used Kairi because he liked her?"

The rest of the organization members appear, and many out of the full total sigh, each saying something close to, "We did, but you should have seen how he reacted trying to get to Riku."

Namine puts a hand on Xion's shoulder. "Xion, two words. RAGE FORM."

Chirithy reasons, "He went to save your heart FIRST. He searched for Kairi's LAST."

Riku shrugs. "In all honesty, I heard him calling my name and I responded."

"He still tried to get to you first."

"...HE LOVES KAIRI!"

Vanitas appears, shaking his head. "He's in denial."

Repliku appears beside Vanitas. "A lot of denial."

"I AM NOT!" Riku shouts.

Lea just shrugs. "Whatever."

Roxas suddenly turns to Lea. "Wait...Axel...Are we allowed to address you and Saix, or we gonna pretend it didn't happen?"

Lea crosses his arms. "I believe we were talking about Riku being oblivious, not me."

"BUT CAN WE ADDRESS THE SEXUAL TENSION BETWEEN YOU TWO?! BECAUSE I'M HONESTLY WORRIED THAT HE'S GONNA GUT ME!"

Lea says nervously, "We're...just friends...yeah...Now Riku-"

"LIES. WE ALL SAW YOU TWO," Xion interrupts.

"Can we just...please go back to Riku now?" Lea pleads.

"No, I wanna hear this," Riku states, relieved that they're not talking about him anymore.

Until Sora appears that is. "What are we talking about?"

Lea answers, "Well, we were talking about Riku and-"

"WE WERE TALKING ABOUT AXEL AND SAIX!" Riku interrupts in an attempt to save hinself.

Xion puts a hand on her hip. "We were talking about your future boyfriend and Axel and Saix being a thing."

"My future boyfriend?" Sora turns to Riku. "Riku, do you know what they're-"

Riku's face reddens. "ALSO AXEL AND SAIX."

Sora laughs. "Oh, you mean when they cried and Saix died and all that stuff? That was pretty gay."

"IT WAS NOT! HE'S JUST MY BRO!"

Xion turns to Lea. "Dude. You almost kissed him."

Roxas sighs as he turns to Sora. "Ya your future boyfriend. Y'know? The idiot who murdered himself for you?"

"What do you mean Roxas?"

Both Xion and Roxas facepalm. "You are all oblivious idiots."

Ventus explains, "HE LITERALLY GOT KILLED PROTECTING YOU FROM THE DEMON TIDE. AND YOU LIVED IT TWICE!"

Sora puts a hand on the back of his head and says nervously, "There's no way you mean Riku...He's into Kairi..."

Kairi appears beside Sora. "OH MY LORD. Riku?! Into me?! THAT BOI IS GAYER THAN AXEL!"

Mickey puts his arm up in the air with his hand in a fist, except for his pointer finger sticking up. "I second that."

"I'M GAY- OH CRAP! I SAID THAT OUT LOUD!"

Sora turns to Riku. "WHAAAAAAT?! SINCE WHEN?!"

Kairi sighs. "Since he promised to protect your bi bootie."

"When did he do that?"

Aqua appears. "You really can't remember anything from when you were little can you?"

"No," Ventus sighs. "No he can't."

Riku is shook. "YOU DON'T RECALL THE MOST IMPORTANT PROMISE I MADE TO YOU WHEN WE WERE FIVE?! I LIVED BY THAT PROMISE FOR TWELVE YEARS AND YOU TELL ME YOU FORGOT?!"

Sora smiles nervously. "I...uh...I didn't mean to?"

"Oh no...Oh no..." Kairi begins. "Sweet child...Don't tell me you forgot the main reason why Riku is gayer than Axel."

"He can and just did," Roxas states.

Sora scratches his head. "Well...if you don't have a crush on Kairi...who do you have a crush on? Which guy?"

Riku sweats nervously, his face growing redder. "That's...not important. "

"HE'S GAY FOR YOU, SORA!" Roxas blurts.

"AND VENTUS IS GAY FOR TERRA!" Riku shouts.

Ventus covers his face. "I AM NOT."

Sora's face grows beet red. "M-me...I...I only like Kairi...yeah...plus...there's no way Riku's into me..."

Ventus facepalms. "Sora. You bi disaster, how I envy you."

"Why would you envy me?"

Namine frowns. "Wow, Sora. You're more oblivious than Riku said. You're even oblivious to your own feelings."

"I am not! I like Kairi! KAIRI!"

Kairi puts her hands on her hips. "Boi, you blew me off for a romantic moment cuz Riku."

"I WAS WORRIED!"

"YA BLOW ME OFF FOR RIKU!"

"I ONLY LIKE YOU, KAIRI!"

Ventus gets more frustrated. "Boi. I've been in your heart for TWELVE YEARS. STOP LYIN TO YOURSELF!"

"BUT I'M STRAIGHT! KAIRI, YOU HAVE TO BACK ME UP! RIKU'S MUSCLES WERE DISTRACTING!"

"Dude..." Roxas tsks. "That's gay."

Ventus points at Riku. "YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN RIKU SMILE AT YOU WHEN YOU WERE FOUR!"

Riku gasps, "WHICH SMILE?!"

"ALL OF THEM!"

Sora turns to Mickey as Donald and Goofy appear beside him. "Donald? Goofy? King Mickey?"

Donald, Goofy, and Mickey shrug and each say something similar to, "Well, Sora...you give off a lot of bi vibes..."

"Sora," Xion begins. "I looked like you for like...a minute...and Roxas felt gay for like...two whole days after...I think you have ALL THE BI AND YOUR BI IS TURNING INTO THE NUCLEAR GAY!"

Roxas turns to Xion, confused. "What?"

"...I'M NOT TOUCHING IT. JUST KNOW THAT YOU AND AXEL ARE STUPID AND I'M HONESTLY TAKING MY CHANCES WITH NAMINE. I'M DONE."

Sora frowns. "What do you mean? I've never done anything gay."

Young Xehanort facepalms.

"What were your last words again, kid?" Xigbar fakes thinking about it, then fakes a remembering reaction, "Oh yeah! Riku! You said Riku!"

"Okay...fine...but give me ten other times I was gay. I dare you."

Namine sighs, "Trying to smite me over a replica of Riku."

"'Where's Riku?' Like, dude. At this point, it's your catchphrase," Roxas points out.

Xion rolls her eyes. "Someone mentions love and your knee jerk reaction is to talk about Riku."

Sora sticks his tongue out. "That's only three~"

"You snubbed me twice. First, you cried over Riku, then you forgot to help me up. You checked if he was okay after the explosion, but left me there."

"Okay...five..."

Ventus comments, "THE WHOLE DARK SHORES THING WAS GAY."

"Six..." Sora says, flustered.

Aqua shrugs. "That gayblade tho-

"Seven..." Sora mutters, nearly dead.

Lea smirks, "Don't forget that welcome back hug after Riku woke up."

"YOU SNUBBED ME BECAUSE RIKU WAS ENJOYING ALONE TIME!"

"Nine..."

Donald speaks up, "You only listen to Riku."

"Okay...but he's my most trusted friend..."

"Okay. How about that post about Yozora and tagging Riku?"

"Well...you have a point...I MIGHT be bi. MAYBE..."


	2. Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Same as the rest. Based off of some Kingdom Hearts crack convos I have with a friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a collection of some random situations and stuff. Because it's crack, some characters may be ooc and stuff will be exaggerated. Don't take it seriously, these are mostly to make jokes.  
Warning: There are some kh3 references so....  
Again, I am only half responsible for the dialogue and such.

Sora's texting the group chat between him, Kairi, and Riku on his gummiphone when he remembers a joke and his eyes sparkle.

_Yes, I have to make it!_

**Creeper**  
**AWWWWWWWW MAN**

**NO**

_Riku noooooooo!_

**YOU RUINED ITTTTT**  
**I LOVE YOU BUT YOU RUINED THE MEME!!!!!**

**#IDIDITONPURPOSE**  
**Too ** **many** ** of you guys have been making the meme**

**OH NO HE DIDN'T**

**OH YES I DID**

"Sora! Come downstairs!"

Sora looks up from his phone and sighs, "Mom's calling." He texts Riku back.

**Okay I actually have to ** **gooooo**

**OKAAAAAAAAAAY**  
**😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂**

°°°°°°

Kairi confronts Riku in the secret place.

Riku narrows his eyes, "I thought Sora was going to meet me here."

Kairi crosses her arms. "No. That was just to get you here."

Riku starts to leave before Kairi speaks up.

"Okay, Riku. Stop trying to steal Sora from me."

Riku freezes, then smirks before he chuckles, "You're not intimidating."

"I can let you die," she states with a serious look on her face.

"And make Sora cry and beat himself up for it? I don't think you have the guts."

"Well...Sora's sitting on the paopu tree now. I'm going to confess to him and win him over and you can't stop me!"

Riku walks to the mouth of the cave, then turns back only to say, "Go ahead. Do it. I'm gonna need to talk to someone important. We'll see who holds his attention easier."

And Riku walks out, leaving Kairi to her own anger and frustration. "He won't win."

••••••

Kairi holds Sora's hand in her own, a smile upon her face. "Sora. I will always be there for you. I will be by your side as your one and only, as I always have been, for the rest of your life."

Sora smiles. "Kairi-"

Riku sees the scene from afar while talking to Mickey, and nudges him aside, sprinting to where Sora and Kairi are, "MOVE, I'M GAY."

Mickey comments, "At least you're admitting it," as Riku interrupts Sora.

"I'm gay."

The worst look of shock appears upon Kairi's face and her mind goes into panic as she realizes that Riku stands beside her now. _Crap. How am I supposed to convince Sora I'm the one now?!_

It's as if Sora forgets the whole thing and didn't hear Riku as he tackle hugs him. "Riku! I missed you so much! Where were you!"

Kairi's mind is still in a state of panic. _He's actually open about his gay now and it's messing with Sora's feelings!_

Mickey walks up to Kairi and states, as if he heard her thoughts, "Riku merely existing makes it hard for Sora."

○○○○○○

Sora finally emerges from his room wearing a dress. "Are you happy now, Kairi?" he grumbles. "I lost the bet!"

"Very happy," Kairi laughs.

"Yeah, Sora. Very pretty," Donald says sarcastically.

Sora covers his face, and everyone laughs. "Guys...stop..."

Riku's mind is in a state of gay panic as always. _Crap he's always so adorable and he actually looks good in that dress. He's so pretty all the time. _He can't stop himself from smiling. _At least I don't show it. Nobody knows. It's all inside._

He probably doesn't even realize it when he says, lovestruck, "No, not pretty. Sora, you're beautiful." He then walks out of the room, stil smiling, deciding to get a snack, not aware that Sora's collapsed on the floor in a blushy mess and that everyone is looking at him in shock. _Yeah. No one will ever know._

●●●●●●

This time, Riku and Kairi are put in different rooms to answer questions. They can't hear what the other answers.

The interviewer begins, "Sora said this in a previous interview. How would you react to him if he said this to you." He starts up an audio recording of Sora.

"I WOULD DIE FOR RIKU AND ALSO KAIRI!"

Riku puts a hand over his heart. "Sora. If you do that...I may die saving you. Whatever happens, I will never stop trying to get you back.

Kairi sighs. "I would cry. If Sora said this and died I would cry. There's no way to get someone back when they die and I would miss him."

Young Master Xehanort and Xigbar are watching the interview on a tv.

Young Xehanort says his part first, "I think Riku's gonna win him. This is Kingdom Hearts. Sora wouldn't really be dead, or at least, not for long." Then, he adds, "Plus, if Kairi immediately gives up like that, she'll definitely look bad. Is she sure she's in love with Sora as Riku is?"

"Who knows." Xigbar throws his arms up. "Besides. We can't let the perfect vessel die that easily. Let's just launch a demon tide and make sure the kiddo's almost dead. We'll see who tries to save him first."

□□□□□□

Riku holds a paopu fruit out to Sora, smirking. "You wanted one didn't you?"

Sora's face reddens and goes into a state of shock.

Riku licks his lips and leans in so his face is only inches from Sora's.

Sora's face grows even more red.

Riku winks. "Maybe I should try it out first."

"NOT IF I MAKE HIM STRAIGHT," Kairi whispers in Riku's ear.

Riku turns to Kairi, puts his hands on his hips, and laughs, "I'd like to see you try."

Terra and Ven watch from afar.

"They grow up so fast."

Ven tsks, "Sora is still in denial."

"How?"

"I-I LOVE KAIRI!" Sora shouts, still a blushy mess. _He was soooo close...._

Ven sighs, "He refuses to accept his gayness. Unlike your adopted kid Riku."

■■■■■■

Vanitas guards Sora as Sora naps on the beach of the play island.

Riku walks up. "Hey, Sora. I-"

Vanitas hisses, protectively standing in front of Sora, "IT'S MY JOB TO PROTECT THIS PESKY LIGHT FROM ALL OF YOU!"

Riku clenches his fist, "BUT I DIED FOR HIM!"

"I HOPE YOU LIKED YOUR FREE TRIAL OF DEATH. GET READY FOR A LIFETIME MEMBERSHIP."

Kairi walks up to the boys, confusion etched across her face, "Sora, I-"

"BACK AWAY FROM THE MARSHMALLOW OR I WILL BITE YOU, TWINKLE TOES!" Vanitas roars.

~

Later, Sora sits on his bed, swinging his legs. "Vani...I wanna hang out with-"

Vanitas immediately lectures him. "Donald is out of the question. Riku is too much of a liability, though I admire his ethics. Kairi is ALWAYS a liability, so you're only allowed to visit Goofy."

"BUT I WANTED TO VISIT VENTUS!"

Vanitas nods. "That's a reasonable request. Though...I'll have to work it out with Aqua so Terra isn't piloting. He is an idiot. Aqua is only slightly better. But you are not to leave The Land of Departure until I pick you up."

"But what about Roxas and Xion?"

Vanitas crosses his arms. "Xion is a liability. Roxas would kill you. I will not stand for sub par protections."

Sora deflates, slumping over, "Fine..."

~

Vani's eyes shoot open during the middle of the night, and they immediately shift toward the window, catching Sora in the act of trying to climb out. "WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING?!"

Sora freezes. "SH#T."

"DID YOU JUST CURSE?!"

~

Sora's dream begins, and he floats down into a field of multicolored flowers. The biggest smile appears on his face as he runs through them, arms outstretched, laughing. He comes to a stop as Riku appears feet in front of him.

Riku smiles upon seeing Sora. He just can't help it.

Sora smiles the biggest smile he's ever smiled and prepares to tackle hug Riku into the flowers. "RIKU-"

Vanitas immediately blocks Sora, having forced his way into the dream realm. He points at Riku. "GET AWAY FROM THE MARSHMALLOW CRAP HEAD."

Riku clenches his fist, harder, and his face warps in frustration. "FREAKING FAN FREAKING TASTIC!" He leaves, unable to reach Sora while Vanitas is there.

~

Riku, Kairi, Mickey, Donald, Aqua, Terra, Yen Sid, literally everyone bangs on the door to Sora's room while Vanitas holds it shut. "VANITAS! LET SORA BE FREE!" they yell.

Vani hisses, "NO, HE'S SAFER WITH ME!"

♤♤♤♤♤♤

The interviewer is back, and this time he has Sora, Riku, and Kairi with him. He asks Riku the first question. "Riku. Who is Sora?"

Riku immediately answers from his heart, "He is like all you will ever need in a friend ever. He's sweet, kind, stupid, and loving. Heck. He's a total idiot, but he's my idiot. I would do anything for him. I would commit...Let's just say I would commit war crimes for him."

"UHHHH OKAY THEN..." The interviewer quickly turns to Sora. "Next question. Who's Riku?"

"My handsome boyfriend- I mean what?" Sora panics, "He's my best friend."

Kairi grabs Sora's hand. "Sora's with me."

"Yeah," Sora sweats nervously.

The interviewer sighs and facepalms, "Technically I'm not supposed to interfere, but yeah. Sure, Sora. Be in denial about your feelings for Riku."

♡♡♡♡♡♡

Kairi and Riku stand before Sora.

"Sora, you have to choose," Riku says.

"No, I-"

"Please," Kairi pleads.

"I...uhhhh...I CAN'T CHOOSE...UHHHHH...I PICK...ROXAS."

Roxas shakes his head. "No."

Ventus crosses his arms. "No."

Vanitas glares. "I will gut you."

Xion stands in front of Roxas. "No. Roxas and Naminé are off limits."

"E-"

Ephemer appears as a spirit. "I'M DEAD."

"CRAAAAAP..."

◇◇◇◇◇◇

Sora and Kairi stand on the pier, staring at the sunset, and Kairi clenches both fists, turning to Sora.

"Sora, I'm done playing games! I'm telling you outright! I can't take it any longer!"

"Kairi...what do you mean?"

"I love you!" A hopeful look appears on Kairi's face, and she closes her eyes, leaning in to kiss Sora.

Sora leans away, sweating nervously. "Uh...uhh...uhhh..."

Then, Riku walks onto the pier.

"HEY, RIKU, I DIDN'T SEE YOU THERE! WANNA GET SEA-SALT ICECREAM?!"

"Wha- But, Sora, I just got here!"

♧♧♧♧♧♧

Faced away from all of his friends, Sora announces, "I'm gonna go find Kairi! Nobody stop me!"

Riku turns to the rest of the group, nodding. "Let's let him go find Kairi."

Sora takes a step forward. "I REALLY hope no one stops me before I go."

"He wants to find Kairi. Let's just let him go."

"No? No one wants to stop me? Maybe to say they'll go with me or to convince me to stop? No one?"

Riku just stays where he is, and Sora sighs, shakes his head, and walks away.

☆☆☆☆☆☆

Kairi confesses, "Sora, I love you!"

Sora looks up at Riku. "Riku, what do you think?"

Repliku speaks through Riku's mind. _"Riku. If you make a move, Sora will take you."_

Riku waits. _I'll make it after Kairi. Way after Kairi. And make it so Sora can't recognize it if he's being rash._

_"Rikuuuuuuu, pleaaaaaaaase make a move."_

_I will, I will. But I have to make sure I do it right. Plus..._

_"Stop being stupid."_

_I'm not...I just don't want to get in the way of Kairi and Sora. Sora likes her, not me. I'll just be fine being his best friend. Plus, why would he like me? What's the point of confessing or something? I know he'll say no. Sora doesn't have that much interest in me. And..._

_"God..."_

"I'D SURE LOVE IT IF SOMEONE MADE A MOVE RIGHT NOW."

Sora's outburst shocks Riku out of his thoughts.

Kairi closes her eyes, leaning in to kiss Sora.

Riku scoffs, _He was only talking about Kairi._

Sora shoves Kairi off him and clears his throat, "I'D SURE LIKE IT IF SOMEONE MADE A MOVE RIGHT NOW!"

_He's clearly __not_ _talking__ about me._

☆☆☆☆☆☆

Sora walks away from his friends in the keyblade graveyard, prepared to go get Kairi back, until he feels a hand on his shoulder and stops, looking up into Riku's face.

"Sora, I'm sorry...but I refuse to let you go. I'm gay. You might see Kairi as top priority, but you're mine."

"Whaaa- Riku-"

Riku sighs, "Go. Save Kairi. But...if you don't come home in a week, I'm coming after you."

▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎

"Riku?"

"Sora, I...I've been meaning to say this for a while, but...I...I...I love you. I always have. I always will."

"But, Sora..." Kairi pouts. "I'm your light, remember?"

Sora sweats nervously. "Uh...yeah...Sorry, Riku. I love Kairi..."

Kairi nods triumphantly, but Sora panics internally.

_What_ _ in the worlds are my my feelings? How do I feel? Heck if I know who's my light! I definitely have different feelings for both of them! It's just...so much easier to go with what Kairi says...feelings are hard..._

¤¤¤¤¤¤

Kairi holds a paopu out to Sora as they sit on the tree.

Sora, however, is zoned out, staring at Riku.

Kairi asks, "Sora? What's the matter?"

Sora temporarily looks at Kairi, then shifts his gaze back to Riku. He sighs, "Is it just me, or is it a shame that Riku wears short sleeves now? Like, isn't it a crime for him to keep those absolutely ripped arms uncovered?"

Kairi sighs, disappointed, "No. It's just you, Sora." She neglects to tell him that Riku's always worn short sleeves, but Sora reacts regardless.

His face reddens, "Wha- really?"

°°°°°°

Sora walks away from his friends. "Kairi is my light and the one most important to me! I must save her!"

"But, Sora, wait!" Mickey calls.

Riku puts a hand on Mickey's shoulder. "Let him go."

"But, Riku!" _You love him. You can't let him go to his death._

"Let him go and believe he'll come back." Riku whispers into Mickey's ear, "I'm gonna cut you off before you out me, Mouse."

Mickey whispers back, "But, Riku, you love him! You don't want him to die either!"

"I SAID DON'T OUT ME MOUSE!" he whispers angrily, "I CAN PUNT YOU!"

••••••

Data Riku blushes hard. "Sora...I'm sorry-"

"Come on," Data Sora smiles, "I told you to stop saying sorry."

Data Riku resists the urge to cover his face and tries not to die as he blushes harder. "Sorry..."

"Confess already! Gosh...you two are almost as oblivious as the real-"

"Mickey?"

Mickey looks away from the screen in shock, popcorn in his mouth, and towards the doorway, as Minnie turns on the lights.

"What are you doing in here?"

Mickey sweats nervously, "Nothing..."

○○○○○○

Riku is the most mature, sensible, and least reckless he's been in years, but that all goes to waste when Sora has a knee on the ground, hunched over, tears pouring down his face after Xehanort kills Kairi.

Riku clenches his fist hard. "MY WILL TO LIVE HAS BEEN DESTROYED AND I'M PISSED! THAT PIECE OF BALD CRAP MADE HIM CRY! I'M GONNA HECK UP HIS CRAPPY CRAP EVEN IF I DIE!"

●●●●●●

"Sora, where are you?" Riku calls, wandering around The Mysterious Tower. "Axel blindfolded me and I can't untie it!"

Eventually, Riku's hand touches the soft spikes of hair. Feeling that the hair is definitely Sora's, he pulls the person in front of him closer into a hug and attempts to kiss their forehead.

"Ugh, gross," the person groans, disgusted, and Riku soon finds himself on the floor, gut aching.

Riku groans in an attempt to get up, having been punched in the gut multiple times by the person.

"RIKU!" someone calls. They tackle hug Riky and pry the blindfold off his face.

"Sora?"

Sora still hugs Riku, smiling. "I found you!"

"So-" Riku groans.

"Riku?"

"Sora...please get off..."

"Wh-"

"I'm hurt."

"Oh..." Sora's smile fades, and he rolls off Riku. A split second later though, he's kissing Riku all over, careful not to lean on and hurt him.

"Wha- Sora-"

"I'm kissing your booboos so you get better!"

And Riku smiles lovingly at Sora, and lets it happen. _I'm going to give him the biggest kiss later._

□□□□□□

Riku walks into the bathroom to see the bathtub filled nearly to the brim with water and bubbles. "Wha-"

Sora emerges from the bubble bath, fully clothed, hair still defying gravity, and stares straight into Riku's soul. "Welcome to bath and body works."

Riku laughs, "Sora, what the heck?"

Sora giggles, stepping out of the bath, "That's the reaction I hoped for. I wanted to make you laugh."

■■■■■■

Sora and Riku pass each other in the hallway and immediately freeze, turning to face the other.

"CRAP. MUST NOT FIND THOSE STRONG ARMS HOT." Sora blushes hard. "OH CRAP- HI KAIRI"

Kairi stands near both boys.

Riku blushes just as hard as Sora. "Ray of sunshine named after the sky. I will do anything for you- I mean what?"

Kairi facepalms, sighing, "You two need so much help."

♤♤♤♤♤♤

"Kairi, where's Sora?!" Riku panics. "I can't find him!"

Kairi explains. "Riku, he went looking for you. He thought you left to keep him safe again."

"CRAP!"

~

Sora rushes through hordes of heartless, killing every one of them in his path, Donald and Goofy struggling to keep up. "HAS ANYONE SEEN MY BOYFRIEND?! HE'S TALL, DARK, AND HANDSOME AND HAS THE PRETTIEST EYES KNOWN TO MAN! AND SOMEONE HECKING TELL ME WHERE THE CRAP MY BOYFRIEND IS!"

Donald and Goofy sigh in unison, "Well then."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Never underestimate the power of two people with Soriku saltiness.


	3. Part 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Again, still based of them crack convos.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a collection of some random situations and stuff. Because it's crack, some characters may be ooc and stuff will be exaggerated. Don't take it seriously, these are mostly to make jokes.  
Warning: There are some kh3 references so....  
Again, I am only half responsible for the dialogue and such.
> 
> Also, in one of the drabbles, Sora will mention meeting future Riku. Inspiration was from a piece of fanart showing Ansem with the front part of his hair down (he looks like an older Riku when he's drawn this way).

Riku finally gathers up the courage to do what he's been putting off for so long. He takes a deep breath. "Sora...I love-"

"Riku, why are you talking to that pillow?" Sora appears in the doorway of Riku's room.

He launches the pillow, then turns around to face Sora, a nervous smile on his face. "NOTHING!"

°°°°°°

"Here ya go, Riku!" Ventus and Roxas say in unison.

Riku turns around.

Roxas smirks, "We prepared this just for you."

"We think you should confess your love to this Sora doll!"

Riku stares in shock at the mannequin wearing Sora's clothes and a wig, fashioned to look like Sora's hair, before him. "You want me to...pretend this is...Sora?"

The two speak in unison once again, holding up a finger, "You should get some practice."

Riku clenches his fists and squeezes his eyes shut. "I-I...fine," he concedes, reluctantly. His eyes relax, and he imagines the scenery of a dream. A field of colorful flowers as far as the eye can see appear in his mind, and when he opens his eyes, the mannequin is not an expressionless doll, but actually Sora, smile and all. "S...S-Sora..."

_"Yeah, Riku?" _the fake Sora smiles.

"Sora...I..." He clenches his fist and walks up to the fake Sora and gives him a big hug, burying his face in his shoulder.

_"Riku?"_

"I...I meant...to tell you...for a while...that-"

"Riku?"

Everything changes, and once again, Riku's in a dimly lit room with the expressionless mannequin. He quickly unwraps his arms from the mannequin and blocks it from view of the real Sora, a look of shock on his face.

"Whatcha doing?" The real Sora tries to peek behind Riku's back in curiosity. "Who were you talking to?"

Riku panics, "Um- Well- I- N-n-n-n-nothing...I was...doing...nothing..."

Roxas, Ventus, and Lea chuckle to themselves.

Kairi, who came in behind Sora, however, walks around Riku as he tries to keep Sora from seeing behind him, and sees the mannequin. She immediately sees that it looks like Sora and balls up her fists, face growing red. Vanitas just so happens to be beside her.

"Calm it, Twinkle Toes," he crosses his arms. "You're gonna give yourself a blister."

Kairi runs out of the room.

••••••

Riku awakens with a jolt to a scream beside him. His eyes are open wide as he frantically checks Sora beside him, who's currently tossing and turning.

"Let me out," Sora says in a voice that's not his own.

Riku's heart races, sweat running down his face as he puts a hand to Sora's forehead to check his temperature.

Burning.

Riku does his best to try to calm him down, and eventually, after a few hours, they both go to sleep in a bed completely soaked in sweat.

They both are forced to wake up an hour later for training.

Though Riku does fine, Sora doesn't, and it's obvious that if Riku is extremely tired, Sora's beyond exhausted, and Riku's tired of it.

At the end of the day, Riku nags everyone about getting an empty replica body. He wants to chuck one at Vanitas and let his precious ray of light get the sleep he needs.

Of course, Ventus argues against it every time. "No. Vanitas isn't allowed to have his own vessel."

"No. He doesn't deserve a thing."

At this point, Riku's frustrated and just, done. "Get out of my way, pip squeak. My boyfriend freaking NEEDS his sleep and that parasite is getting it's own dang body."

Ventus bars the entrance to the gummi ship with his body. "Over my sleeping body! I won't let Vanitas ruin my-"

Riku casts sleep and watches Ventus faint before climbing into the gummi ship.

The ship takes off, and Riku steers it to Radiant Garden. Upon landing, he rushes off the ship and up to the castle, throwing open the doors to Ienzo's lab. "OKAY. Y'ALL HAVE EXACTLY THIRTEEN MINUTES TO SHOW ME WHERE THE CRAP THE REPLICA BODIES ARE BEFORE I START BREAKING YOUR CRAP."

○○○○○○

Sora spots Riku across the beach and flags him down. "Riku! Riku! Riku!"

Riku rushes over to Sora. "Yes? What do you need?"

"Hold out your hand."

Riku skeptically raises an eyebrow and slowly holds out his hands.

Sora drops a handful of raisins in his hands and smiles. "It's my birthday, so you eat them!"

Riku stares at the raisins in his hand, bewildered. "Okay, then."

Then, Sora spots Kairi and sprints over to her, Riku lightly jogging behind while eating the raisins.

"Hey, Sora! What-"

"Here!" Sora presses an apple into Kairi's hand. "Eat it! It's my birthday and I don't wanna eat it."

Kairi stares at the apple as Sora runs off. "Ah, okay, Sora."

A few minutes later, Riku points at the apple, having finished the raisins Sora gave him. "Are you gonna eat that or..."

Kairi looks up at him. "What?"

"Sora touched it. I want it. I'll take it, especially if you don't want it."

Kairi tosses Riku the apple, and he catches it. "Did he just give you raisins? Why is he giving people random food he won't eat because it's his birthday?"

Riku shrugs. "It's a tradition. You give him something healthy, he'll give it away. He only wants sweets for today." He takes a big bite out of the apple.

~

"Sora. Close your eyes and hold your hands out."

"Um...okay!" Sora does just that and waits.

Riku drops a billion chocolate candies in Sora's hands, so many that they waterfall to the ground. "Okay, you can open them now."

Sora opens his eyes and gasps. "THANKS SO MUCH, RIKU!- Wait...I thought you wanted me to be healthier."

Riku smiles, "It's your birthday." _Honestly, I just really love seeing you happy and couldn't help it!_

Smirking, Kairi walks up, holding large a platter stacked with chocolate in an attempt to compete with Riku.

Roxas and Xion trump both of them though, dumping out a huge black trash bag full of chocolate each before Sora.

"Crap," Kairi reacts.

Sora falls to the ground out of pure excitement, drooling. _I'm gonna get so sick..._

Riku laughs, and even when he's done, he can't stop himself from smiling because Sora is just too gosh darn precious.

On the other hand, Kairi covers her mouth, stifling a laugh.

Xion puts her hands on her hips, while Roxas crosses his arms. "I can't believe you guys thought you could beat us," Roxas laughs, shaking his head.

"But I've been planning for weeks!" Kairi exclaims.

"And I've been planning for months," Riku admits.

Xion laughs, "We've been planning this for two years."

Then, Ventus walks up, and dumps a boatload of chocolate out in front of Sora, smirking. "I've been planning this for twelve years."

Eventually, after having finally recovered from candy shock, Sora stands up. "Okay, okay," he giggles. "Since you all want my attention...whoever can get me a..." He pauses to think it over.

"Ah! Whoever can get me a cake that can only be fed to dream eaters wins this showdown!"

A look of extreme confusion appears on the faces of Ventus, Kairi, Xion, and Roxas.

"What's a dream eater?" Ventus asks.

"Cake only a dream eater can eat?" Xion inquires.

Kairi scratches her cheek. "Where the heck would I find something like that?"

However, Riku's not fazed, and he immediately pulls a cake out of his pocket. He shrugs, "I don't know why I kept any of these, but I guess it came in handy."

Roxas gasps, "How did you get one?!"

The other three ask variants of, "Wait...how are we supposed to check that this really is the right type of cake?"

Sora's eyes lock onto the cake in Riku's hand, and he smiles, "THAT'S THE ONE!"

"But how do you know?!" the four ask in unison.

"Because I feed these to my dream eaters all the time," Sora answers matter-of-factly.

Ventus's eyes light up, "Really? Can you prove it to us?"

"Yeah, I wanna see!" Xion exclaims.

"I've never seen you with a dream eater before," Roxas reveals.

"Uh, sure." Sora digs around in his pocket. "Just let me use...my heart binder..."

Roxas, Xion, Ventus, and Kairi stare intently at Sora as his hand emerges from his pocket, holding the heart binder, and he summons a Komory Bat.

The Komory Bat devours the cake and Sora puts his hands on his hips. "Seeeee? Proof!"

The four's jaws drop.

His smile fades a bit though as he takes another look at the Komory Bat. "Wait...this isn't _my _Komory Bat..." He turns to Riku. "Hey, Riku, is this one yours?"

Riku's eyes narrow as he studies the dream eater. Eventually, his eyes shift back to Sora. "Yeah, where'd you get it?"

Sora shrugs. "I don't know. I meant to summon my Meow Wow but this one came instead." He gestures to the dream eater. "Eitherway...this is a dream eater!"

The four each admire the dream eater, having not seen anything like it.

"Wow!" Kairi exclaims.

Riku laughs at the four's reaction as Sora turns to him in confusion.

"Wait...Riku."

"Mm?" Riku turns to him.

"How do you still have those treats? All mine disappeared when we left the sleeping worlds."

Riku scratches his cheek nervously, "Oh uhhh...no reason."

Sora narrows his eyes at him before shrugging. "Well, regardless, the sweets contest is over." He throws a fist in the air. "NOW FOR THE PARTY!"

"Wait...can I try the cake?" Kairi asks curiously.

Sora nods. "Sure. It'll taste weird though."

"I still wanna try!"

"Us too!" Ventus, Xion, and Roxas plead.

"Okay!" Sora nods. "Though...only dream eaters can taste what it should taste like. Riku." He suddenly turns to Riku. "What do you think it is?"

Riku lightly blushes as Sora looks up at him expectantly, the stars shining through his eyes. "Huh...I...haven't really tried it." He pulls another cake out of his pocket. "We'll break it into pieces."

Sora nods and begins playing with the Komory Bat, withholding the fact that the cake has no taste to humans.

After Riku splits up the cake and hands out a piece to Roxas, Xion, Kairi, and Ventus, all four eat their piece at the same time. Their faces immediately contort in disgust.

"Eww...."

"Gross!"

"This definitely doesn't taste like cake!"

"Nope nope nope nope..."

Alternatively, Riku is still nibbling on his own cake, confused by the four's reactiond. "What are you guys talking about? This is the sweetest thing I've ever tasted."

Sora stops playing with the Komory Bat, staring at Riku in disbelief. "Wha?"

Riku states, confused, "Come on, Sora. You would love it. It's almost too sweet for me to eat."

Sora still looks confused. "What?! Riku, are you crazy? That stuff tastes totally disgusting to me! I got tempted and it tasted terrible. It had basically no taste."

Riku's confusion grows. "How? How is it that something this sweet tastes way better for me than you? You love everything sweet...how could you not taste it?"

Sora looks at him and says it like it's obvious, "Uh...cause I'm not a dreameater."

"Well...I guess that makes sense, but in that case why did I- Oh..." _I__ can't let him find that out..._

"Is there something you're not telling us, Riku?"

Riku's mind goes into a state of internal panic, and he does his best to keep it from showing. "Well uh...umm...umm...I might be uh..." He quickly mutters, "A dreameater..."

Sora turns to Kairi. "Kairi, did you catch that?"

Kairi smirks, "Maybe. Riku, you mind saying that last part again?"

"Yeah, Riku, please?" Sora pleads.

Of course, Riku can never refuse Sora's puppy dog eyes, or really even refuse Sora ever. "It's because I'm a...dreameater..."

Sora pauses in thought before a look of pure wonder takes over his face. "Wait, really?!"

Riku blushes, though he tries to hold it back. "Yeah..."

"That's soooo cooooool!" Suddenly, however, his enthusiastic mood shifts, and he asks, confused, "Wait. How did that happen?"

Riku shrugs, the blush still present. "It just kinda happened during the test."

"Huh well...doesn't that mean you're someone's dream eater? Since they are typically owned by people. The ones that aren't are nightmares...not spirits."

Riku grows even more flustered. _He's getting really close... _"Yeah...I am..."

"Ooooh the who is this lucky person? They have to be one lucky person to end up with you as their dream eater!" He turns to the four. "Don't you guys agree? Wouldn't they be lucky to have Riku as their dream eater?"

Everyone except for Riku nods, agreeing with Sora.

"I guess they're lucky..." Riku sighs with a shrug. "I'm more lucky to be their dream eater."

Sora narrows his eyes and puffs his cheeks out. "That didn't answer my question, Riku."

Riku runs his fingers through the hair on the back of his head nervously. "Well uh...let's just say uh..." He tries his best to avoid just telling Sora right now, gushing about everything. "It's someone really important to me."

Sora narrows his eyes for a moment, but he temporarily let's it go and shrugs. "Okay, fine. IT'S PARTY TIME!"

Riku breathes a sigh of relief, forgetting for a moment that Sora's definitely going to pester him about whose dream eater he is later.

●●●●●●

Soraimmediately sprints up to Riku upon seeing him, ecstatic. "So like, you wouldn't believe it, Riku, buuuut... I saw future you and he was HOOOOOOOT. Like, would smash again. Ten outta ten."

Riku asks, confused, "When did this happen?"

"Like...an hour ago."

Riku laughs nervously, "Sora, that wasn't me. That was Ansem."

Sora's face contorts in disgust. "WAIT WHAT?! EWWWWW! I TAKE IT BACK!"

Riku chuckles, "You are willing to smash Ansem the Seeker of Darkness if you think he's me. Kairi's gonna die when she hears this."

"Wait- No- It's not- AHHHHH..." Sora covers his face with his hands, his face extremely red.

□□□□□□

"I wonder what happens if I..."

Sora attacks the cucco, and it immediately summons a horde of cuccos.

"CRAP!" Sora screams as he runs away, attempting to evade the cuccos.

Of course, Riku shields him, jumping in front of every cucco so Sora isn't hit.

Link, who's watching, grows frustrated and drags them into a random house, shutting the door. He aggressively signs how stupid they are at them, but unfortunately, they don't understand Hylian sign language.

"Wha?"

Link sighs angrily and walks out, slamming the door behind him, and Riku turns to Sora.

"I'll always save you, Sora."

"You're an idiot," Sora chuckles, casting cure to heal Riku.

And Riku just smiles. _I love you too __much__ to point out that you were an idiot for attacking them first._

Of course, Goofy and Donald were with them, and ran in before Link shut the door the first time. Goofy turns to Donald and they share a cheeky laugh.

■■■■■■

Sora takes both of Riku's hands in his own. "HEY, RIKU! LET'S BE EVIL TOGETHER!"

Riku stares at him, lovestruck. "Yeah, sure, whatever."

Kairi smacks both Sora and Riku's heads with a book. "No, Sora. You love me, remember?"

Sora pouts, "But darkness...but Riku..."

Riku grows angry and turns to Kairi. "Why'd you hurt Prince Marshmallow!"

Sora cocks his head. "Prince Marshmallow?"

Riku shrugs. "It's better than princess."

Sora nods. "Fair point- WAIT, WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY 'PRINCESS', RIKU?!"

Kairi balls up her fists just as Roxas passes by, eating icecream. He whispers in her ear in passing, "Remember your place on the food chain~"

♤♤♤♤♤♤

The interviewer sits down Axel, Xion, Roxas, Kairi, and Riku to ask a question. "So, today we're going to be asking all of you. What does love smell like?"

Roxas answers first. "Icecream."

Then, Xion. "Sea-salt icecream."

Then, Axel. "Icecream and kerosene? Yeah...let's go with that."

Kairi smiles, "The beach."

"Sora," Riku states, and the interviewer looks at Riku and Axel, uncomfortable.

"Riku...are you okay? And Axel...are YOU okay?"

Axel laughs nervously, "UHHHHHH...."

A nervous look appears upon Riku's face as he scratches his cheek.

♡♡♡♡♡♡

For some strange reason, freckles have appeared on Sora's face, but he doesn't care. Kairi and Riku notice when he passes by them though.

Riku clutches his heart. _Ahh...too cute..._

Kairi turns to Riku. "Who painted Sora's face? I mean...him having freckles _is _totally adorable, but...they aren't natural."

Riku crosses his arms. "You don't truly love him if you dare question why he has freckles."

"TAKE THAT BACK."

◇◇◇◇◇◇

Sora pouts, complaining to Donald and Goofy, "I wish Riku was here...I miss him so much..."

Donald waves him off. "You can see him after the mission."

"No...not without Riku..."

Donald sighs angrily, "Would you get serious?"

Sora ignores him, thinking aloud, "How was it that Riku summoned me...He said 'Sora' and I appeared right?" Deciding to try it, he stares at the ground sadly, summoning up all of his love and sadness as he says, "Riku..."

Donald facepalms, wanting to get the mission over with, while, alternatively, Goofy sheds a tear.

Nothing happens, and Sora falls to the ground with a sigh. Soon though, a thought comes to him. "Wait...what if I..." He stands up, holds his keyblade out, and casts the spell. "Rikura!"

Immediately after lowering his keyblade, Sora watches as Riku appears in a small flash of light, tripping on air and landing on clouds before him. Sora looks at Riku in awe as Riku stands up, obviously incredibly confused.

Donald's jaw drops.

_I can't believe that actually worked... _"Riku!" Sora jumps on Riku, hugging him tight. "I missed you so much!"

"S-Sora...what's...where..."

"Riku..."

And Riku calms down, his confused expression softening into a smile as he hugs Sora back. "Never mind."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special thanks to LilMissShadow_Xion for the idea to make all these drabbles of our crack convos. I always enjoy them
> 
> Also, there was an Ouran High School Host Club reference if anyone was wondering


	4. Part 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crack convos

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a collection of some random situations and stuff. Because it's crack, some characters may be ooc and stuff will be exaggerated. Don't take it seriously, these are mostly to make jokes.  
Warning: There are some kh3 references so....  
Again, I am only half responsible for the dialogue and such.

Kairi sighs, "Sora, you have to choose."

Sora immediately becomes panicked.

"Me or-"

"Sorry, my mom is calling me for dinner, BYE!" Sora yells as he runs off.

~

_I'm finally going to do it. _Sora approaches Riku after training, tapping his shoulder. "So...Riku..."

Riku turns around, and Sora's face immediately reddens. Of course, Sora notices the sweat glistening on the skin of Riku's muscular arms, the soft smile on his face, and just everything, and he just dies inside. Sora waves him off, "Uh...nevermind...Sorry my mom is calling me for dinner bye..." He quickly scurries away.

~

This time, Riku approaches Sora. He takes a deep breath. "Hey, Sora. I wanted to ask you something."

Sora smiles, "Sure thing, Riku! Ask away!"

"Well..." he begins, twiddling his thumbs. "How do you see me? Like...are we just friends or..."

Sweating nervously, Sora quickly draws his gummiphone out of his pocket. "OH HEY, MY PHONE'S RINGING. I THINK THAT'S MY MOM CALLING ME FOR DINNER." Once again, he scurries off. "GOTTAGOBYE!"

~

"Sora," Kairi sighs, a hand on Sora's shoulder. "I know you like Riku."

Sora smiles nervously. "As a friend? Yeah, of course I-"

"No. Not like a friend."

Sora begins to sweat. "What are you talking about?"

Kairi raises and eyebrow, and Sora gives in with a hard sigh.

"Fine. I'm in love with-"

Riku puts a hand on Sora's shoulder from beside him. "Hey. What are you guys talking about?"

Sora immediately tenses up, then runs off again. "NOTHING I THINK MY MOM'S CALLING FOR DINNER BYE!"

~

Vanitas appears in Sora's room while Sora sits on his bed. "Tell him," he demands.

"No."

"Tell. Him."

"No!"

Vanitas snarls, "FOR DARKNESS SAKE, TELL HIM!"

"NO! I'M NEVER TELLING RIKU THE TRUTH!"

"SORA! YOU ARE LITERALLY HORDING RIKU PLUSHIES EVERYWHERE! YOU EVEN HAVE A FLIPPING BODY PILLOW OF RIKU!"

"I DO NOT! THOSE ARE ALL FOR KAIRI!" Sora retaliates.

"KAIRI AND RIKU ARE IN HIGH KEY MID RIVALRY OVER YOU! JUST TELL RIKU!"

Sora summons his keyblade. "EXCUSE ME, I THINK AQUA AND VEN ARE CALLING YOU TO DINNER! SO, YEET!" Sora whacks Vanitas hard with his keyblade, launching him out the window.

~

The Hotel Sora Squad (Xion, Roxas, Ventus, and Vanitas) push Sora to the door to Riku's room.

"Go in there," Vanitas demands.

Sora narrows his eyes, skeptical. "Why?"

Roxas gives him a little shove. "Just do it."

Sora sighs, and opens the door. He walks in as Riku sits on his bed, reading a book.

Xion immediately closes and locks the door behind Sora, but quiet enough for him to not notice.

Riku looks up from his book, realizing Sora's in the room, and sets it down. "Oh, hey, Sora."

Sora just dies inside, a light blush spreading across his face. "Hey...Riku."

"Xion said you had something to tell me?"

"Oh." Sora immediately sprints over to the door and attempts to twist the handle. "Crap," he hisses before summoning his keyblade to unlock it.

Still, the door doesn't open, and Sora pushes against it, trying to get out. "MY MOM IS CALLING ME FOR DINNER!"

Of course, Hotel Sora Squad has their bodies pressed against the door, keeping Sora from escaping.

"It's the afternoon," Xion corrects.

"And, also, no. It's for your own good," Ventus states.

While Sora continues to struggle against the door, Riku sighs. "You're running from some feelings, aren't you? I understand how you feel..."

Sora's panic disappears, he calms down. He slowly turns to look at Riku.

"I'm running from some too..."

_You're...running from feelings too?_

"I guess..." Riku begins, clenching a fist. "This is as good of time to tell you as any. I don't want you to keep running."

_W...what? Riku..._

He takes a deep breath to prepare himself. "I...love you, Sora."

Sora collapses to the floor, blushing furiously, dead because of those words.

Riku immediately rushes over to him. "Sora! Are you okay?"

"No...Ri...Riku I...I love you too..."

"Oh," Riku says, dumbstruck, as his face reddens. "I never thought...your feelings..."

The Hotel Sora Squad slumps to the ground outside Riku's door at the same time, all of them rejoicing, "FINALLY!"

Riku and Sora stare at each other lovingly, though their faces are still blushy, Riku holding Sora in his arms.

°°°°°°

Ventus comes across Vanitas on the play island, buried up to his head in sand. "Vanitas...explain why you're buried up to your head in sand," he demands, confused.

"Marshmallow was burned."

"What?"

"Ask Riku."

"Um...kay..." Ventus helps dig Vanitas out of the sand, then goes to find Riku.

Of course, Riku's sitting on the paopu tree, staring up at the sky lovingly.

"Riku."

Riku turns his head to see Ventus. "Hmm?"

"Vanitas said something about 'marshmallow was burned' or something. He was buried up to his head in sand. What does it mean?"

"Crap." Riku jumps off the tree. Before he runs away, however, Ventus stops him.

"Wait! What does it mean?"

Riku sighs. He quickly explains, "'Marshmallow was burned' is code for rage form and 'marshmallow was coated in chocolate' is code for anti-form. Now. I have to go give Sora a hug, bye." He quickly sprints away to get to Sora.

••••••

Riku opens the door to Sora's room in his house on Destiny Islands. "Yo, Sora!" he calls. "We're going to Ven's to watch the blitz ball tournament. Coming?"

Sora groans as he sits up on his bed. Then, he shrugs. "You know I love you...but I don't know if I want to-"

"Aqua and Terra are cooking."

Somehow, in less than a second, Sora's already standing outside his doorway, clothes changed, holding a gallon of water and a book full of spells to study. "Whatcha waiting for Riku?!" He bounds out his front door. "Come on, let's go!"

Riku laughs, then smiles at his boyfriend as he follows him out.

○○○○○○

Sora slumps down in a chair, complaining, "I'm bored..."

When Riku walks in though, Sora immediately tackle hugs him.

"Cuddle time!"

Then, when Repliku walks in, Sora slowly and hesitantly pulls him into the hug. "Cuddles?"

Then, Roxas walks in wearing his black organization cloak.

"Are you Riku?"

"No," Roxas answers bluntly, and Sora stops hugging Repliku and Riku, then summons his keyblade.

"SMITE TIME."

Roxas immediately pulls his hood down. "DON'T YOU DARE."

Sora's face immediately softens, and he pulls Roxas into his little group. "ICE CREAM TIME!" He pulls four sea-salt ice cream bars out of nowhere, and hands one to Roxas, Repliku, and Riku. He eats his own happily while holding onto Riku's free arm.

●●●●●●

Kairi opens the door to Sora's room. "Hey-"

"Can I talk to you later?" Sora interrupts. "It's Riku time."

"What's Riku time?" she asks, confused. _I've __never__ heard of it._

Sora explains impatiently, "I have three modes." He holds up three fingers. "Salt, smite, and Riku. Now, please leave." He shooes Kairi out of the room. "It's Riku time."

Kairi still doesn't understand. "Wait, what-"

Riku suddenly appears in the doorway and pushes past Kairi into Sora's room. "Didn't you hear? It's Riku time."

Kairi closes the door, still confused. "Um...okay."

Roxas stands beside her and shrugs. "Hey, at least it's not smite. Or salt." He quickly adds that last part.

"What do they even _do _when it's Riku time?"

He shrugs. "I don't know... Cuddle? Sora feeds him dream eater treats? Who knows."

"Do I need to be concerned? Should I check it out?"

Roxas sighs and facepalms. "Leave Sora and his Riku time be."

"But..." Kairi's voice changes into a whisper and she whispers in Roxas's ear, "But what if they confess?"

Roxas snorts, then breaks out into laughter. "You mean you didn't know? They already did."

Kairi's eyes widen to the size of tennis balls. "THEY WHAT?!"

Suddenly fearing for his life, Roxas smiles nervously. "I think I'll just...leave now...bye... Someone's calling me for dinner, I think, I don't know..." He rushes off.

□□□□□□

Kairi balls up both her fists, closing her eyes, before she takes a deep breath and opens them again. "I love you, Sora!"

"I love you too, Sora!" Riku announces.

"I've loved you ever since I came to the islands!"

"I've loved you my entire life!"

"Well...I'll always use my light to save you!"

"I WILL NEVER HESITATE TO SACRIFICE MY LIFE FOR YOU OR SAVE YOU, EVEN IF IT MEANS I NEVER RETURN, AS LONG AS YOU LIVE!"

Sora's shaking nervously, a nervous smile on his face. "Um...uh...well...I THINK MY MOM'S CALLING ME FOR DINNER, BYE." He ducks out and around the corner and takes a deep breath.

"Sora?"

Sora's body jolts as he hears Xion. He calms down when he realizes it's just her.

"I thought you confessed to Riku last week?"

Sora panics, whispering, "YEAH, BUT I FORGOT TO TELL KAIRI I DID THAT."

"You hopeless idiot." She shakes her head. "I'll go tell Kairi."

"NO, DON'T!" He reaches out to stop her.

"Fine..." she sighs, walking away.

Of course, Xion gathers up the Hotel Sora Squad into a huddle.

"Okay," she explains, "so we need to figure out how to corner Sora to get him to tell Kairi that he confessed to Riku. Any ide-"

"_OR _I CAN TELL HER MYSELF LIKE DANG."

The squad immediately turns to Sora, then they leave.

Sora takes a deep breath, then turns around. He jumps upon seeing Kairi and his heart races.

"Tell who what, Sora?" she inquires, head cocked.

He sweats nervously and scratches the back of his neck. _What did I get myself into? But...no turning back now..._ "I...uh..." He takes a breath in. "ICONFESSEDTORIKUI'MSOSORRYIKNOWYOUANDRIKUHAVEARIVALRYBUTIALREADYCONFESSEDONCEMOREI'MSORRYKAIRI!" There's a worried look on his face as he waits for Kairi to say something.

"Wha- I..." Her brain takes a second to process it. _Roxas was serious... _"WAIT, I LOST?!- I-I mean...I'm...glad for you, Sora." She forces a smile, and Sora releases the breath he was holding in, putting a hand over his heart.

"Thank you, Kairi... You have no idea how glad I feel to hear that." Sora smiles, then walks away, his hand dropping back to his side.

Kairi breathes a hard sigh. "Guess...it's time to accept it now.

As always, Roxas happens to be right beside her, except this time, with a sympathetic look on his face. "You can always drown your sorrows in ice cream like me and the crew do," he suggests.

Eyes downcast, Kairi says sadly, "Yeah...I think I need that. See ya." She waves weakly as she walks off. _This is going to take a lot of ice cream..._

Roxas stands there in astonishment. "Wow, that must have hit her hard. She never agrees with me with that stuff.

■■■■■■

An apparition of Ansem from Riku's heart appears in front of Riku as he opens the front door of his house to leave.

Ansem crosses his arms. "And where are you going?"

"Out," Riku replies curtly as he shuts the door and starts in the direction of the gummi ship.

"Teenagers..." Ansem sighs before he disappears, returning back into Riku's heart.

Riku steers the gummi ship to Twilight Town, and, upon landing, goes straight to the Twilight Town Public Library. He logs onto an unoccupied computer and types "how to know if you're gay" in the search bar. He clicks on the first option that comes up and reads it aloud, slowly.

"One. You smile at your bro all the time because you can't help it... Two. When your bro is in trouble or feels hurt...you clench your fist, and immediately do whatever it takes to save him or destroy whoever hurt him. Three... Your first priority when you're apart from your bro is to find him and be by his side. Four. Anyone who mentions knowing your bro when you're desperate to find him you trust immediately. Five... You would sacrifice your life for your bro anytime and anywhere. Six. Your love for your bro makes you feel...invincible...when you should feel afraid. Seven. You constantly mention your bro, especially when you think about him-"

Riku immediately logs out of the computer and speed walks out of the library. "I didn't expect to get called out like this today."

Of course, he passes by Kairi on his walk to the gummi ship, and she stops to ask him a question she thought would figure out at the library, but decided she could ask Riku directly instead. "Hey, Riku. Are you gay?"

Riku sighs, "If you mean for Sora, then yes." He walks past her as Kairi balls up her fist.

"Dangit."

♤♤♤♤♤♤

"I'm sorry, Sora, but I don't have a license."

"But, Ven. You told me you were old!"

"What was I _supposed_ to tell the DMV? That I'm from a different time period _and _a different world?"

Sora crosses his arms and raises an eyebrow, and Ventus grows frustrated.

"I'm not exactly a citizen, and I'm not exactly sixteen!"

Sora shrugs. "I don't know...you look sixteen to me."

"I'M LIKE TWELVE YEARS OLDER THAN YOU AT THE LEAST!"

"Are you suuuuuuure though? You and Roxas _do _look the same age."

He sighs angrily, "YEAH AND YEN SID LOOKS TO BE A THOUSAND, BUT WE ALL KNOW HE'S TWENTY MILLION!"

"Yeah, buuuuuuut you look sixteen."

Vanitas advocates for Ventus. "Trust me. He isn't sixteen." He sneers, "I'm only twelve though, right brother?"

"WAIT, YOU'RE TWELVE?! BUT...BUT YOU LOOK SIXTEEN!" Sora exclaims in surprise.

Vanitas shrugs, a smirk on his face. "Roxas and Naminé are two."

"Whaaaaaa?" _Mind. Blown._

Riku walks up to beside Sora and laughs, ruffling Sora's hair, "You're adorable."

Vanitas gags, "You both disgust me."

Ventus shakes his head. "Oh...shut up, you spineless coward."

Vanitas immediately turns on Ventus. "TAKE THAT BACK, YOU WORTHLESS EXCUSE FOR AIR!"

Ventus is taken aback, clutching his heart, and he looks highly offended. "TAKE THAT BACK, YOU UNVERSED MONSTROSITY!"

"MAKE ME, YOU SACK OF BRICKS!" he taunts.

"I REGRET LETTING RIKU GIVE YOU A BODY!"

"HEY!" Riku yells. "I HAD TO FIGHT YOU ON THAT! YOU CAN'T USE IT AS AN EXCUSE!"

Vanitas glares at Ventus. "I REGRET NOT FIGHTING HARDER AND MURDERING YOU WHEN I HAD THE CHANCE!"

Sora raises his voice, higher than everyone, as he yells, "BOTH OF YOU STOP IT OR ELSE I'LL KNOCK YOU BOTH OUT, YOU PIECES OF SH#T!"

"Oh god... He's mad," Riku states in a quieter voice than normal.

Ventus, however, pays no attention to Sora. "VANITAS YOU-"

"I'M GOING HOME AND RIKU'S COMING WITH ME!" Sora announces, tired of the fight.

Riku stares down both Ventus and Vanitas, angry. "Both of you. Think about what you've done. You've made my marshmallow curse. When we come back, you better apologize."

Sora drags Riku to the gummi ship while Vanitas glares at Ventus and Ventus fumes. Both of them watch the gummi ship depart.

Vanitas eventually crosses his arms. "I'm only apologizing if you buy me that weird sea-salt ice cream you all talk about. Then, I guess I'll take that last part back."

Ventus wants to scream, but instead, grabs Vanitas's arm and drags him to a gummi ship. "FINE."

Then, once the ship arrives in Twilight Town, Ventus again drags Vanitas.

"I can walk, shortie!"

"SHUT UP! I'M GETTING YOU ICE CREAM!" Ventus tightens his grip on Vanitas's arm.

"Fine, fine..." Vanitas lets Ventus drag him. "Don't get your panties in a twist."

Once Ventus buys the ice cream, he throws it at Vanitas, who catches it. "THERE. HAPPY?"

Vanitas rolls his eyes. "Dude. Chill it. What do you want from me?" He takes a lick of the ice cream and grimaces, but continues to eat it regardless.

Ventus crosses his arms and sighs, "To apologize."

"Fine. I'm sorry brother. There. You happy?"

"Yeah. I'm sorry too."

"Are you? Because you insulted me first."

Ventus grows frustrated, his face growing red, "VANI-"

Ventus immediately shuts up when he spots Sora from afar, staring him down. "Yeah," he sighs, still a little angry, "I'm sorry."

"You know... It's ironic how hot-headed you get when I'm the one made of negative emotions." He shrugs. "I guess it's the depression."

Ventus turns away from him. "Oh...shut up..."

As Ventus starts off to leave, Vanitas follows, yelling after him, "HEY, DON'T LEAVE WITHOUT ME! I NEED A RIDE HOME BECAUSE YOU RESTRICTED MY CORRIDOR USAGE!"

Ventus turns around only to give Vanitas the finger. "Later, jerk."

Vanitas stops walking as Ventus climbs into his gummi ship. "THAT'S MY MOVE!"

Once Ventus departs in the gummi ship, Vanitas watching in frustration, Riku puts a hand on Vanitas's shoulder from behind and sighs.

"We got you. Sora thought this would happen."

And sure enough, another gummi ship lands before them, and Sora climbs out. He waves Vanitas and Riku in. "Hey, guys! C'mon!"

Vanitas and Riku climb in after Sora. Riku and Sora take their spots at the front of the ship, Sora in the driver's seat, while Vanitas sits on the floor in a corner of the ship, sulking.

The gummi ship takes off, and once Sora sets course to The Land of Departure, he laughs. "Riku, you think this is how Aqua feels?"

"What do you mean?" he laughs.

"I mean babysitting. Imagine dealing with Terra, Ventus, and Vanitas and their shenanigans every day!"

"True," Riku chuckles. "Being a mom is probably hard."

"I know right! Imagine being a mom all the time! I could barely play dad for an hour!"

"I bet it just takes practice." Riku smiles at Sora and puts a hand on one of Sora's on the wheel. "You'll get it."

Sora smiles back. "Yeah! We'll be the greatest dads ever!"

Of course, while Sora and Riku discuss parenthood, Vanitas is gagging in the back. "IF YOU GUYS KISS, I'M GONNA THROW UP!"

Riku and Sora laugh as Vanitas rolls his eyes and goes back to sulking about Ventus being mean.

When the ship lands, Sora takes his hands off the wheel, and Riku puts a hand on his head, running his fingers through Sora's hair.

Riku stares lovingly into Sora's eyes. "You're amazing."

Vanitas just so happens to look over at them as Riku plants a soft quick kiss on Sora's forehead and Sora leans in to kiss Riku back on the lips.

Vanitas gags again and rushes out of the gummiship. "I'M OUT."

♡♡♡♡♡♡

"Okay, we're going to put up two pictures here. Just tell us your thought on them," the interviewer informs Sora.

Sora nods, and the interviewer presses a button on his remote, causing a picture of Riku with long hair to pop up on the screen.

Sora answers easily, "Best boi. Cute boi. Totally my type."

The interviewer nods, then presses the button again, causing two different pictures to pop up of Riku with his most recent haircuts.

Sora slams a fist on the table. "BEST BOI. HOT BOI. WOULD SMASH TEN OUTTA TEN."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I originally wrote this, I added in the pictures of Riku to the end that Sora reacts to. The first one is a picture of Riku with long hair in the realm of darkness. The second two are Riku with his first haircut at the beginning of Kingdom Hearts 3 in the realm of darkness and Riku with his new haircut at the end of it Kingdom Hearts 3 when he picks up Naminé. I couldn't add them though because apparently you can't just upload pictures on here. Oh well😓😅...

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah, technically these don't count in oneshot stuff, but they're here anyways.


End file.
